Friday, December 09, 2005

Did I mention that I'm a terrible insomniac?

Oh but yes!! I sit up til all hours writing to pass the time. Usually it's just silly little notes to myself but since I have only shared the address to this blog, or the fact that I have a new one with very few trusted people I thought I would take the time tonight to type away here. You see, it's like this at my house.....I can't sleep, but if I actually turn on lights or make ANY noise like to clean something or run water or watch a video or listen to a tape the whole house will be awake in no time. SO I pass the time when I can't sleep by reading (already done that) or writing (doing that now). Since it's about 2am and I've been at a steady run since a little before 8am yesterday and have run like this all week forgive me if I am rambly or I stutter or get a bit repetitive.

I think I mentioned in an earlier post that we have been having a revival at our church. Wow!! If I was only allowed three letters those would be it! Tonight was awesome and the Lord has really impressed some things on me that I know will continue to take shape in my day to day life over the next few weeks. It was so incredible just to be there tonight and not only bask in the presence of the Spirit myself but to see my kids getting in on it too. (There will have to be some backpaddlin for me to catch some of you folks up with all that has gone on since I talked with ya last). My middle son was called to preach this past May, bless his heart he really is doing his best to be obedient to the Lord but until tonight I don't think he really knew how hard he was fighting the Spirit's urging in his life. You could literally see him sitting in that pew with his fists balled up in the fold of his bible and holding his head just as straight and stiff as he could trying very hard to look like he was listening to any old every day sermon in a very boring could also look at him and tell how much WORK it was for him to keep on going that way. I caught myself making eye contact with my husband (who was in the sound booth) so that the two of us could do that wonderful 'only you and me know what is going on right now' kind of silent praying that I'm sure most blood bought parents do for their children all the time. I don't think either one of us even took a breath while we watched God get hold of that son of ours! And I know for sure that neither one of us could see through the tears when we saw that boy finally just give in and surrender to the Lord with his whole heart......he literally burst up out of his seat both hands in the air shouting hallelujah to the Lord! I love it when you can visibly see what God is doing with folks sometimes, especially when it is an answer to prayer like this was. The preaching was definitely right on target for Jared and I would imagine that it was for most of the other preachers that were there too.

The preaching tonight wasn't only for the preachers though (yes I am referring to PreacherS....we happen to be blessed with 6 in our own congregation and had several guest preachers tonight too). Tonight the preaching really hit me in the heart of some things I have been struggling with off and on for nearly a year now, some really painful things that I've been trying to get a grip on....I think I am finally getting there but it is only with God's help, His mercy and His grace.

I was lying awake in my bed a little while ago, trying to at least pretend that I could fall asleep. I was listening to my husband snore really softly like he does when he's having a really peaceful dream and the rain. Not hard rain, just little bits here and there in a sort of steady off beat pattern hitting the roof when all of a sudden I was remembering very clearly the same rain sounds a little over 14 years ago. Troy and I had been friends for a few years but had gotten very close over that summer. We were both just two VERY lost, young and lonely people who had both been very hurt by people that we thought loved us and that we thought we loved.
He was in college and I was into whatever passed by and kept me occupied for the time being. We never really dated, and I never even considered it.....I thought of Troy as a good friend and someone fun to hang around with. We had spent the better part of six months hanging out together with mutual friends every chance we got... some people teased us about whether or not we should become a couple but we both denied the possibility at every turn. We did end up spending increasing amounts of time together alone though....most of it running around all day and most of the night on his crazy purple motorcycle. He had a house in the town he was going to school in and I had a house closer to the town he was from and had friends in...about an hour apart. We ended up deciding to consolidate the two houses, there were lots of 'good' reasons why, I think some of them were due to (ah..umm) legal issues, and some of them were because we really liked being together. We ended up moving into my house together, Troy scared off my big bad ugly mean nasty house mate (that's a very long story, but really funny)and we ended up outside watching the stars .....(snip)..... we woke up in a very soft steady but off beat rain scared silly to admit that we were really in love with each other so we just talked about the rain.

A lot of time has passed since that night together in the rain. We've both been saved by the Grace of God since then and looking back on that night and so many others since then I know that neither one of us is even a shadow of the same people we were back then. God's mercy is so evident in our lives now and people who thought they knew us well don't even know what to say to us anymore. I won't say that we haven't had some really hard times....there have been some that we are still healing from, but God is good and I firmly believe that he has plans to give back every tear I've cried only it will be turned into a beautiful gift that only He could provide! The fact that we are still together now and happier with each other than we have ever been since that first night in the rain is nothing short of a miracle............but maybe that is a story for another night.

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