I've tossed and turned and tried and tried and there is just not going to be much sleep in my near future. I'm too happy and too excited and have too many plans to make and too many things to thank the Lord for!!! Everytime I close my eyes I see all the wonderful blessings that He has given me and my family and how far He has brought us in the past year or so and it just makes my heart leap and my eyes well up and I can't stop grinning from ear to ear ( even though it feels like my cheeks are going to crack). I said it in church tonight and I'll say it again....I'm beginning to feel just a bit spoiled with all these blessings just raining down on me lately! It also makes me so keenly aware of just how awfully undeserving of all of this goodness I am. Sometimes you just want to open your arms up and shout to the sky ...."I don't know why you love me this way but THANK YOU!!!".....which is fairly close to what I've been doing for about 36 hours now....only a little quieter than I want to so I don't wake the rest of my family.
I'm so very very thankful for the home that the Lord has provided for us to move to and I just had to thank Him publicly for that in church last night but it goes so much deeper than that. Some things are just too big for me to put into words and I know that if I had tried to I would have just melted into a blubbering mess. I'm so glad that the Lord brought us here and that He has restored my marriage and healed so many hurts that I had carried for so long....I will never get over all that the Lord has done for my relationship with Troy! I'm so thankful to see my kids growing and learning of the Lord everyday and to see them desire the things that God wills for their lives and to turn away from the things that the world throws at them everyday.
I'm thankful for all of that and a zillion and twenty other things that blogger couldn't hold if I sat here and typed them all out. But it washed over me tonight as I walked into church with my family to worship the Lord who has blessed us so that I am most thankful right this moment (other than for my salvation and my family) for my church family!!! When I was down on my knees in tears and torn apart with fear and worry begging God to help me He sent them to me and me to them. The Lord has blessed me through my church and church family so many times in so many different ways that I couldn't tell it all if I tried. I want so badly to somehow be worthy of that blessing and return it in some way......though I know that I can't, there would be no way to. I want in a million different ways to be able to explain just how much that particular blessing means to me but words totally fail me every time I try.
As the kids and I drove yesterday (or the day before...sleep deprivation does strange things to time) looking for a place to move to it was so odd. I have never been an attached kind of person, I was always ready to pack up and move on a moments notice to anywhere for as far back as I can remember. In fact it used to really bug Troy that I just never seemed able to stay still in one place for very long at all and was ALWAYS looking for the next stop, always restless and always ready to go on. As the kids and I got farther away from where we are situated now in relation to church and our church family I began to panic. All I could think was "this is just too far".....and it would only have been a 30 minute drive! To feel so attached to places and people is so foreign to me that I just have no idea how to take it.....only to see it as an extension of the Lord's blessings on my life and know that He is good and He is in control. I'm sure that when it is time for me to move on the Lord will put the urge in me to go and until then I am surely going to enjoy staying put where I've been put!
I was thinking earlier (instead of sleeping *sigh*) that when I was a little girl I used to think that my daddy could do anything and it used to boggle my little mind when he would come along and effortlessly do something that I had been struggling with.....like getting a board nailed into place or some such thing. When I was a little girl I thought my daddy could do anything to take care of me and protect me. I soon found out as I got older that my daddy was only human and had a great many failings as we all do. It is such an awesome thing to wonder over though that our Heavenly Father will NEVER fail!! He will always provide for me and take care of me and He will never let me down or leave me.....not only will he come along and take care of the little things but the big ones too. AIN'T GOD GOOD!!!!!