Defraud ye not....

Sorry for taking so long to update...it's been a busy time around here lately and I've neglected my blog. I just HAD to blog today though to give an update and share something that my friend Mindy shared with me this morning that was really a blessing to me.

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First the quick update.....we are officially a bit behind with school :( I hate that it has happened but I guess some things can't be avoided and we will just have to work a bit harder for awhile and get caught back up. We've been so busy and it seems like there is always some unplanned event that requires our attention lately. The kids and I have talked about it and talked to Troy about it and the best solution we can come up with so far is that we start schooling in the evenings on Tuesdays and Thursdays (instead of play music) until we are caught up. The kids didn't even grumble about losing the only evenings all week that we have at home to relax.....but I sure am fighting the temptation to (pray for me).

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Also Jared is now 12!! The time has flown since he was born....it just doesn't seem possible for any of the kids to be the age that they are but all I have to do is take a look at them to know it's true. Jess and Josh are both grown and busy with life. Tae is taller than I am now and just beautiful beyond words and the boys are both growing so fast we can't hardly keep jeans on them. Life goes too fast for me somedays.

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Okay, now on to the most interesting convicting thought for my little blog. My good friend Mindy called bright and early this morning to share with me part of what she has been learning through her pastor's preaching and her personal Bible study. Mindy's pastor has been preaching on "All to Him I owe" and she shared that her and her hubby's hearts were pricked with conviction when their pastor started preaching on giving what is owed in your marriage.

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It says in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 " Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."

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We women are fairly accustomed to hearing this verse preached to us as we are told to take care of husbands physical needs. But according to what Mindy's pastor preached it means so much more than just that and we are only getting just a teensy portion of the fullness of God's word for our marriages by taking it that way.

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If we look at the definition for the word "defraud" it reads:
"DEFRAUD, v.t. L. To cheat.
1. To deprive of right, either by obtaining something by deception or artifice, or by taking something wrongfully without the knowledge or consent of the owner; to cheat; to cozen; followed by of before the thing taken; as, to defraud; a man of his right.
We have corrupted no man, we have defrauded no man. 2 Cor. 7.
The agent who embezzles public property, defrauds the state.
The man who by deception obtains a price for a commodity above its value, defrauds the purchaser.
2. To withhold wrongfully from another what is due to him. Defraud not the hireling of his wages.
3. To prevent one wrongfully from obtaining what he may justly claim.
A man of fortune who permits his son to consume the season of education in hunting, shooting, or in frequenting horse-races, assemblies, &c., defrauds the community of a benefactor, and bequeaths them a nuissance.
4. To defeat or frustrate wrongfully.
By the duties deserted-by the claims defrauded."

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Mindy explained that her pastor went on to say that couples defraud one another in many many ways *outside* of their bedrooms. When the wife has frittered away the day online been busy with fussy babies all day and dinner isn't done on time she has defrauded her husband of his just claim of having his meal at the appropriate time. The same goes for when you just can't quite make it to the ironing board and you know he needs a clean shirt before tomorrow. Okay, we ladies all know that in life stuff just happens and you don't intentionally defraud your man of his meals....but what about our companionship? Or warm conversation when we've had a long day? Or giving him our full attention at the end of the day so that he can unwind?Do you defraud your man by being too "busy" to sit down and hear what he has to say about his day, his plans, his ideas? What about giving him the respect that is due him even when you know that he doesn't have a clue what he's talking about?? ( there's my struggle lately) Essentially we are defrauding our spouse any time we fail to meet one of their needs, show them the proper respect and/or love them to the best of our abilities .... and the only way to keep that from happening is to give our husbands the best that we have and set aside all of those excuses that we keep so handy.

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But Mindy also told me that the majority of the preaching was to the MEN!! She was telling me that her pastor came down especially hard on them with that particular passage of scripture. She says that according to her pastor we wives should be able to expect to be provided for by our husbands in ways other than the paycheck making it to the bank or the bills being met or however it works in your household. Her pastor's opinion on that passage of scripture is that we too have "just claims" as mentioned in the definition and if you look at the 4th part of the definition it is also defrauding someone to frustrate them wrongly.

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Mindy said that her pastor illustrated it this way......there is a young married police officer who is very very dedicated to his work and has some really high goals set for his career, he wants to do his best at work and so he spends all of his free time in the gym making sure he is as fit as he can be. When the officer isn't at work or at the gym he is on the shooting range firing away to make sure his aim is accurate. This officer volunteers for trainings every time they are offered and even signed on as a reserve officer on another department to take advantage of their training schedule as well. This man spends an average of 2 hours a day at home that is not spent sleeping or eating but during that 2 hours at home he insists that the wife take the children out to play in the yard so that he can study.

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The officers wife is a sweet lady who works hard to raise the children and tries her best to love him and be respectful of how hard he works but is frustrated horribly. She has been trying for weeks to get the car fixed but she doesn't know the fuel injector from the lug nuts and her hubby doesn't have the time.....he has also spent what extra money they had on a new duty weapon and she can't afford to call the mechanic. She can't remember the last time he took her out anywhere or even just sat down to have a conversation with her that didn't involve giving her instructions on something that he wanted done at home while he is gone. They have two of the cutest little kids but she is exhausted from the high energy levels required to take care of the kids, the house, the yard and the family's financial work all by herself. Her friends are frustrated because they are having to go out of their way to give her rides back and forth to the store and appointments frequently and they just don't understand why she puts up with her husband's neglect.

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According to Mindy's pastor this young man is in trouble.....though his career goals are admirable he is defrauding his wife of her just claim to have time with her husband that isn't focused on his career but is instead on his family. The preacher insisted that God could do as much or more with that officer's career if he were to honor what the Bible teaches about his home life than what the young man can do with his career when his wife either gets fed up and leaves him or has a nervous breakdown from the stress of living like a single parent. Mindy said that the preacher also illustrated his points with a racing nut fan in the husbands place but that it all came down to making sure that you are not defrauding your spouse in any way at all and stressed that any hobby, sport, career move etc will not be blessed by God if you have left your right place in the home to tend to your own self interests.

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Mindy says she can't wait to go to church tomorrow night .....the preaching will be on giving what is owed in your church! It sounds very thought provoking and interesting to me....maybe she will send me tapes??? (please please please)