It's that time of year again. My spiritual birthday is getting closer....just a few more weeks to go. Every year that causes me to stop and evaluate all that has gone on in the past year. Every year I end up with much to repent of, much to be thankful for and much to pray about for the year ahead.....this year isn't any different. My heart breaks for all the times that I've disappointed my precious Lord! I am always very keenly aware this time of year of what He has done for me....and if you only knew how that makes my heart leap with joy that words could just never describe!!
These last few years I have really grown closer to the Lord in my personal life than I've been since I first got saved. I've made it a point every day to spend time alone with Him and to seek Him more in those little day to day things that so often go by without a thought otherwise. Until not so long ago I never knew such joy could be found while washing dishes, or hanging laundry or ironing for my hubby. I never knew that I could feel such contentment and peace with the things that once upon a time I shunned as being tedious or boring and shuffled off on the kids or did half heartedly. Now I know that as long as I've spent my time with Him first off at the start of my day it doesn't matter if I'm scrubbing the floor or washing the dog or mending that same pair of jeans for the fortieth time I can have more joy in doing that than I could in anything else.
I have to tell ya, the closer I get to Him the closer I want to get and the more that I get to know Him the more that I want to know Him. There just isn't any way to explain it or tell someone who doesn't know the Lord about this experience but it's definitely a relationship that is alive. It's not like when you meet someone and you like them and befriend them or them you. It's not like that because there is not any instance of the waxing and waning that takes place in human relationships.....not on His part at any rate, on mine I'm sure that there is. He stays steady and constant and always present, from that moment of salvation on. If I feel that He is far from me it is me that is far from Him (boy did I learn that one the hard way!), He won't wander off and leave me, He won't let me down, He won't forget any important thing in my life EVER. Yet, every day in some way small or large I disappoint Him, I wander off, I forget things and leave important tasks that He has given me undone.
I want so badly to be a better servant to my Lord, to not be a disappointment to Him and to honor Him in my life!! For the past (almost)13 years now I've been kept in His tender loving care and treated so much better than anything I could ever deserve! I know how feeble and and weak I am and that I all by myself have nothing to offer Him.... I just pray that in some way I can be used by Him. When I was a much younger woman and a brand new baby Christian a sweet older lady told me that the most important thing for me to remember from then on was to Purpose to serve Him every day of my life instead of looking for Him to give my life purpose. I think I need to hold that advice a bit closer to heart!