Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Breathe in... breathe out, repeat

Don't you just wish that all you had to do every single day of your life was breathe in, breathe out and repeat?? {sigh} I know I'm behind, don't look at me like that!! I know I promised to post more often and I KNOW I promised to keep y'all more up to date on things. The only thing I can do now to remedy that situation is to promise you that I will make no more promises. All kidding aside, life has been running away with me lately.... the kind of running away with me that makes me want to alternate between huddling in a corner crying out to the Lord for some sort of respite from all the hectic busyness and running around at a breakneck pace trying desperately to accomplish something, anything if only a little thing that might make me feel like something has been done. Be honest, I know y'all have been there too... truth be told sometimes there just isn't any other way to do things when life is hectic, crisis (es? ies? i??? awww nevermind) are looming and one thing after the other is raining on your head.

Things around here have turned crazy on me, and then got more crazy and then ran over me and backed up to do it again! For awhile now it has seemed like no matter what I tried, how much sleep I skipped or how many other things I set aside to tend to the matters at hand the matters at hand have gotten out of hand. Late at night when I'm talking to God about all of it I still can't figure out how life freight trained me yet again.For awhile now it has seemed like one thing after the other has gone wrong. It started out with little things...almost insignificant things but steadily and incrementally those things got bigger. Pretty soon nearly every minute that I was awake felt like it was being attacked and consumed before I had even had a chance to consider it.I've been running hard for a long time now just trying to tend to everything but now my health has taken a very real and very steep nose dive.

I tried to be in denial about it..... really I did. I tried telling myself I just needed to drink more and rest more. I tried making an extra effort on my appearance ... like I could fool that crazy lady who stares at me in the mirror every morning and says "you have got to slow down".After two years of rarely falling, fainting or being too dizzy to go and do what I needed to go and do now I am falling all the time, fainting fairly regularly again and too dizzy to want to walk very far away from the wall.... and along with all of that I get to have the crushing chest pains and headaches that make me wish I could find a cave to hide in.

Probably the only person in the world who knows how much it kills me to admit any of this is Mrs. Willie, my fellow superwoman wannabe. But like she says, you can take a rest or your body will make ya rest. There just isn't a feeling in the world that I know of that feels worse than just knowing that no matter how much you want to do something or need to do something your body just flat can't do it, that is only magnified when it is related to taking care of your hubby or kids. This sure is a strange disorder to have that's for sure! Part of me is just terrified that I'm going back to the mess of fainting 6-8 times a day and spending 3 out of 5 days in bed or worse yet being in and out of the hospital all the time and nothing more than a total burden to my family. The other part of me is in shock ....just utter speechlessness thinking this just can't be happening again after doing so well for so long.

It seems like our family is just living through one of "those" seasons.... you know what I mean, just one of those periods of time when it seems like everything that can go wrong will and is and that nothing you can do is going to stop it or slow it down in the least. The latest bad thing that freight trained us is that Troy lost his job, without warning or reason he just was sent home one day a couple of weeks ago. His head is still reeling over how did he go from being the company golden boy with promises of more work to unemployed in no time flat. The poor guy, then just a few days after that he's driving down the road taking us to church and the brand new power steering pump that he put on the Jeep goes out and two days after that he gets two tickets going to a job interview making him late for the interview. See what I mean...everything all at once!

So now y'all know why I haven't posted much lately. I hate the gloomy sad sounding stuff I see on the screen right now. And truth be told we are still cutting up and joking around and full of just as much goofy nonsense as ever. The Lord has brought us through this much and more before and I know that HE will do it again because my God is faithful and merciful and HE loves me. I know that there is a reason to all of this and that it will all work out for our good....so there ya go Mom and Jessi and Corey and Maggie and Phil and the rest of you silly folks back home who call me up and ask why I haven't posted in so long, and then ask me why I'm not freaking out. I'm waiting to see what the Lord is going to do with all of this stuff that is out of my hands and my control. And stop emailing me about places to live and jobs up there!!!! The Lord put me here and until HE says to leave I'm staying. God is providing us with what we need and I'm too old to be one of those silly young ewes who wanders off from perfectly good pasture without the shepherd leading the way.

Now that all of that depressing stuff is told there is something else I want to tell ya. The kids have some really awesome super cool neato stuff to sell. Their little online store will be open very soon. They have made some great herbal healing pads (you would just have to try one to believe how good they are)...they work like a heating pad but they have herbs in them that smell wonderful while they soothe aches and owies away, you can also use them straight from the freezer for cold relief instead of heat. Fred has made some really good bath salts (if I actually leave her any to sell) and face scrub that smells so good you'll want to just keep washing your face (she'll have that to sell since my skin is oily and it isn't the best for that). They are also making incredible all natural bug repellent spray, lotion bars, lip balms, muscle rub, salve, solid perfumes, bath bombs, and bubble bath. Fred made some of the best blackberry jelly in the world and blueberry pancake syrup too!! With lots more to come so keep a lookout for the grand opening of Thompson's Talents to find out when and where and how to get in on the good stuff.

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