Thursday, August 20, 2009

39 and counting

Today is my birthday!!! Usually I dread the day because it always feels like another year that I've failed to accomplish something or another year of one failure after the other in life. This year though I feel victorious in so many different ways. Don't take that to mean that I'm living life on a mountain above problems and heartaches, but the LORD has been so good to me that I just can't see my way to feel anything but blessed beyond anything that words can describe.

I look back over my life and see all the wasted years, all the things and people that I had invested myself in before I was saved and for some time after that were fruitless expenditures of energy that cost me much more than I could pay! It grieves me now to remember the way that I used to mark the passing of the years in my life, to the point of nearly making me physically ill. In so many ways I saw myself as a gift to those around me rather than the other way around and I saw my birthday as a day to celebrate myself..... how horrible of me to have been so vain and selfish as to think that I was worth the attention and effort to celebrate when all I was is something so horrible that it cost my precious LORD his very life! It should never have been all about me, and I pray that I never let anything in my life be like that again.

I'm so thankful that the LORD has allowed me to have 39 years to live and learn and most of all of come to know HIM and to live in HIS family! I am truly blessed beyond anything that I can understand and so thankful for all of the blessings I've been given. I look forward to the day that I see my LORD face to face and can thank HIM for all that I've been given. I'm sure that Heaven is pretty and wonderful, but without knowing that HE is there I'm not so sure I would want to go..... I just want to spend eternity telling of all that HE's done for me and how grateful I truly am!