Wednesday, September 07, 2011

What's taking so long??

I know it's been far too long since I updated my blog...I have been horribly neglectful! The reality of my life is that I do not treat it as though it were my own...sooo I am often running VERY short of time. The last couple of years have had us coming and going so fast that it really seems as though we pass by ourselves both ways. We have had to make even more trips back home for funerals of dear loved ones, and to be a help to other loved ones.

In between the trips for sad occasions we have managed to sneak in some joyful times. I was able to take my children to some of the wonderful outdoors activities that I enjoyed so much as a younger me. I took pictures of my boys jumping off the bluffs into the deep water of the strip mines, we camped on the river I used to visit every single day, we visited places that I used to call home, and visited my Daddy's grave. We saw cousins, friends, grandbabies, and the house that we lived in when Troy got saved and the Lord turned our lives completely around. It was cathartic in a strange sort of way to just go and see that those things and places are still there, and I always cry when I have to leave. Seeing those people, places, and things in my rear view mirror has always felt like I was abandoning a large part of myself, my heritage, my family...and it's always hard.

Since my last post was almost a year ago there has again been so much going on in life that I know I can never get it all down here...so you'll have to settle for the reader's digest version. We made 2 trips back home earlier this summer...both to attend funerals of people we loved. I've lost 4 family members so far this year to cancer...3 of them to pancreatic cancer. I've been so out of touch with much of my family for many years and so it shocks me to hear that suddenly they are gone on. So traveling back to say goodbye is hard...and harder than that, but so worth doing.

I'm so keenly aware that my own children aren't really children anymore at all...and the time when they leave the nest to make one of their own is getting closer all the time. I know in my head that they will still be my babies, still love me, still want me to be a part of their lives...but a different part. I'm not sure I'm ready to let them go...in fact I want to drag them backward on the timeline of life and have some more time to just be with them! I have been so blessed with my kids...we have great relationships and they are awesome people that I am terribly proud of. Everytime I go to the Lord in prayer for them my eyes fill with tears of selfish sorrow for all of the days that I won't be right there with them to see the fruit they bear in their own lives...I will instead hear of it by phone or email, or text message. I'm proud of them all, but it sure is bittersweet!

This summer has been an exceptionally grueling one for Taeler and I. We have both been horribly ill since the beginning of July. The doctors so far only say "It has to be Lyme Disease...nothing else makes sense". We are attacking it with every available tool...but progress is slow and at times terribly discouraging. I just hope and pray that Tae doesn't end up with any long term health issues because of this. Until last night we had both been too ill to even want to do much...but the Lord gave each of us a sweet blessing last night and we were up cooking, cleaning, and singing praises to HIM until bed time. Today we are still feeling better, but not as good as last night. It's so hard for me to not pout and have a bad attitude about it, but this still is the day that the Lord has made and I will rejoice in it and be glad.

There are so many things that have been up in the air so to speak for the last year or two and we still have no solid direction or wisdom about those things. We are just resigned to wait on the Lord and be ready for whatever He calls us to. And that's about it for now....